Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
