his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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