I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
