Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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