There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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