I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
