I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
