i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
