Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
