I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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