Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
