i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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