I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pants are for mortals
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
