i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
