I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
