Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize