After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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