Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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