he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
