all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
