Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
