hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
