your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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