Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
