how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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