I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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