God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I party with great urgency now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
