I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
