It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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