well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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