we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
