I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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