I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
