I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
