i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
