Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
