She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
