apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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