so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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