I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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