I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize