I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
