Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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