thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize