you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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