I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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