I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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