we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
