I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Pooping to opera.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
