Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
