does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
