so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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