Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will be naked everywhere
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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