he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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