ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish you could order shots online.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
