best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
