Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
