haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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