Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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