Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
