He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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