She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
