i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
