there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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