i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
