For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
