So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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