another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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