Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
