We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
