I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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