There is too much vodka and too much dick.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
