he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
