I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
