But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
