Is it normal to miss your booty call?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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