"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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