The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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