when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
