The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
