i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Found your dick twin last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
