haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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