i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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