It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i will never coherently bang her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
