I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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