she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
