You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
