Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
