Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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