just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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