well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize