if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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