dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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