We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
