whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
