Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
