I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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