He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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