I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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