Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
