I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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